If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
