So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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