Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
