lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
