Just fell off a train. Bad.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
