1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
