ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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