Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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