and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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