you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
