Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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