she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
