Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
