The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
