You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
