so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
