This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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