I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
