why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life