the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.