Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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