do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
