You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
