ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am spending my child support on dildos
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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