I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
