i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
