im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize