Umm I'm too high to move.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
