making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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