your parents love me but you hate me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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