make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
