You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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