You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
