is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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