Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
