i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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