You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i think my cat just said my name.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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