We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
