just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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