Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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