Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
