Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
