Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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