I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize