i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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