Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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