dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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