i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
