Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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