She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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