you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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