I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
