I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
