So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
