k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
