he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
