I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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