dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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