eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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