we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
