Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Porn is love you can see.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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