We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
