I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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