every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
